


Only Their Kind

by megyal



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotions, M/M, Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 20:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2554367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megyal/pseuds/megyal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iruka finally figures out what Kakashi has long known.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Their Kind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sadorable](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadorable/gifts).



> This is written for a prompt for [Alpha_B@LJ](http://alpha-b.livejournal.com/profile) (sadorable), for a donation to a Typhoon Haiyan drive put on by [fandomaid](http://fandomaid.livejournal.com/). It is VERY late, and I'm grateful to Alpha_B for the donation and their patience! I don't think what I wrote really lives up to what was requested, but I really liked giving it a shot. Alpha_B's prompt is in the end-notes.
> 
> Thanks SO SO much to [Txilar@LJ](http://txilar.livejournal.com/profile) for the beta, neatening all the weird stuff, and for the summary.

### Part 1: Answers

Kakashi figured it out fairly early, as far as it related to himself. Iruka's excuse was that he wasn't any sort of genius, and therefore the realization about what Kakashi figured out only struck him almost a year into their relationship.

At that time, they had their most serious disagreement yet. It was a brutal mess of words because they knew enough about each other at that point to fight dirty, and neither of them held back. The fight was mostly rooted in Iruka's tendency to push, and keep pushing, and Kakashi's habit of retreating with swift decisiveness. There was also quite a bit of conflict over Kakashi's habit of telling lies and truths in equal measure; and Iruka's tendency to broadcast his emotions, a trait that appeared to annoy and intrigue Kakashi in turns.

It came to a head when, during one of Iruka's disgruntled rants, Kakashi remarked in very chilling tones, "You _do_ understand that I'm not like you, right? That I'm never going to be how you think I _should be_?"

"You don't love like me, either," Iruka had snarled in return and Kakashi's coolly infuriated expression had gone blank. Not for the first time (nor for the last, he suspected), Iruka instantly regretted his temper. "Kakashi--"

Kakashi cut him off with a simple, "That's absolutely correct," and walked out of the apartment they shared into the early morning. Iruka fumed because Kakashi _always did that_ , leaving Iruka holding the limp ends of their disagreements.

Iruka told himself that there was something in him that savoured the challenge of the impossible-seeming cases; probably he had some internal masochist that enjoyed interacting with difficult individuals. Exhibit A: Mizuki. Exhibit B: Naruto.

Exhibit C: Hatake Kakashi.

Except that...well, honestly, Mizuki and Naruto hadn't been 'difficult', not in the strictest sense of the word. Mizuki had been a jerk to nearly everyone that crossed his path, caustic and mocking; however, he had been amiable around Iruka, which was probably the reason why his betrayal had been breathtakingly complete. Naruto, on the other hand, was so full of attitude that it made Iruka deeply exasperated at least 88% of the time; but behind all that bravado was a sensitivity that was both deep and fragile. A few times, Iruka said something offhand, and a kind of surprised hurt would flit across Naruto's face before he hid it behind a brave grin. Iruka had learned to get Naruto to open up to him, to explain what he had said that had been so upsetting, and why. He'd learned many sad things about Naruto's childhood, and he was very careful in what he said, and how he said it. Mizuki had always said that he appreciated this of Iruka: he was attentive to his friends and lovers.

It dawned on him, as he sat sulking at the table in the corner of the small living room, that Hatake Kakashi was a bit like Mizuki and Naruto rolled into one person. It was funny, if he thought about it, because Kakashi had hair like Mizuki's and he had the tendency to hide how things affected him, like Naruto. Iruka hardly had any idea how to deal with him on a daily basis. Kakashi was...well. Very Kakashi.

...and oh, _oh_ , that's when Iruka got it. Kakashi would never love like him, but that was okay. Of _course_ Kakashi didn't love him the way he loved.

He didn't have to. Kakashi allowed Iruka in past all his thick walls; he listened, he touched, he tried, shit, _he tried_ and Iruka was up off the chair, darting towards the door. When he flung it open, Kakashi was standing there, one hand reaching for the handle. It hit Iruka, like a _kusarigama_ to the chest, that this was another way he knew how Kakashi loved: he always came back.

–

He had always admired Kakashi-san; when he was a boy, the achievements of the Hatake prodigy seemed to dominate the halls of the Academy, floating like a ghost in the ceilings and in the corridors. Iruka had insisted that he was far too cool to be play at being a powerful young shinobi with the other kids, but it was a close thing. As he grew into a teenager, gaining chuunin status and taking on more dangerous missions, his esteem had morphed into something that combined a lot of intensely embarrassing emotions. A crush, of course, but who didn't have one on Hatake Kakashi? Nearly everyone did; at least, everyone Iruka knew.

Then, he'd been placed on a team with Kakashi-san as his captain; it had all gone to hell. He could easily blame his foolish actions on having Kakashi as his leader, giving him commands in that deep, sure voice, but Iruka had other shortcomings; namely, letting his stupid soft heart override his common sense. He'd gotten knocked around in an ambush involving some enemy Sand-nin, but at least those kids he'd been trying to protect had been rescued by his team-mates.

After the mission had been completed, Iruka had come out of a battle-induced daze to find himself sitting on the rocky earth with his legs stretched out, back resting against the gnarled trunk of a tree. A medi-nin had just finished patching up a deep wound to the side of his head, and patted him on his shoulder. Iruka nodded in bleary thanks and the medi-nin moved on to someone else. A pair of sandals came into Iruka's view, and Iruka stared at a small drop of blood on the second toe of the person's left foot. Then he looked up slowly, and his heart felt as if it beat sideways in his chest as he met Kakashi-san's gaze.

Kakashi hunkered down beside him. In a low voice, so that no-else could hear, he asked,"Do you think you can make it back to Konoha on your own?"

"I will keep up," Iruka had answered, struggling to keep his tone level. "Captain Hatake, I am sorry about not following your orders--"

Kakashi waved away his apology. "Never mind about that," he answered. "We're leaving in ten minutes." He rose up, a long lean line, and moved on to the next injured individual, speaking in the same low, calm manner as he'd done with Iruka.

That was it; he hadn't yelled at Iruka, hadn't given off even the slightest hint of disappointment or annoyance. When they got back home, the Captain's report had simply laid out the facts: _Umino Iruka disregarded mission directives to initiate a rescue of four village children._ The Hokage had berated Iruka, of course; for his infraction, he'd been fined nearly half his wages and given extra training to undertake.

Iruka had willingly paid his fine, done his training and then done some heavy thinking. Then, he went back to the Hokage to discuss the best way he could serve his village.

–

One of the nicest things about being a teacher at the Academy was that he didn't cross paths with Hatake Kakashi very much. Iruka thought this was a very good thing; without that spectre of Kakashi Hatake's greatness, Iruka felt he developed his own particular experience and knowledge, and felt confident in his abilities.

Confident enough, at least, to go toe-to-toe with Kakashi over his students. Kakashi felt they were strong enough to be registered for the Chuunin exams and...no. Just no; Iruka _knew_ they weren't ready, but Kakashi had coolly shot him down. Iruka had been angry at him, but even then Iruka had noticed the slant of his exposed eye, the rasp of his voice and the way he held his chakra tensely. After noticing these things for years, it was hard to just disregard their existence, even when Iruka was feeling so exasperated that he could hardly see straight once the Hokage had settled the issue and asked them to take their seats so that the meeting could continue.

Possibly, it was the high emotion running through him from their exchange, or even a false sense of boldness, but after that meeting Iruka caught up with Kakashi as he wandered by himself away from the Hokage Tower, a book held loosely in one hand.

"Kakashi-san," Iruka said, walking beside him. "If you still insist on sending our students up for the Chuunin exams, then at least give me a chance to discuss their individual peculiarities--"

"I think I've researched their shortcomings well enough," Kakashi said, his tone careless, but Iruka ploughed right through his statement.

"—over dinner. I'll buy."

Kakashi stopped walking, abruptly, and Iruka halted as well. He stared at Iruka for a few long beats, and then looked him up and down, gaze deliberate as it dragged from Iruka's face to his toes and back up again.

"That's acceptable," Kakashi finally said, and his cheek moved in a way that could be taken as a smile.

Surprised, Iruka floundered mentally and then forced himself to form sentences in his head so that they wouldn't emerged as a garbled mess. Kakashi waited, just staring into his face.

"There's a nice place near the stadium," he heard himself say in a normal-sounding voice; thank goodness. "The food isn't half-bad."

"As long as you're paying." Kakashi still wore that maybe-smile; for all Iruka knew, it was probably a mocking gesture but he found he didn't care. "Shall we?"

"What?" Iruka blinked at him. "You mean...right now?"

"It's dinner time now for most people right now," Kakashi pointed out. "Unless you have something else to do?"

Iruka took a deep breath and then shook his head. "Now is fine."

That's how Iruka found himself sitting in a private booth with Hatake Kakashi, his satchel stuffed into the bench beside him. It was a nice restaurant, really, the décor sufficiently shinobi-subtle. However, Iruka could hardly appreciate the aims towards privacy, because he was sitting with Kakashi-san, who drank through his mask and stared at Iruka unblinkingly as he rambled on about their students.

They didn't eat anything, just had a few drinks; after about an hour, Iruka decided that he had spoken enough. He couldn't tell if Kakashi would take his advice into account, for the other man didn't say very much.

"I prefer my place," Kakashi told him as they made their way out of the restaurant and stood on the sidewalk. "If it's all the same to you, that is?"

Iruka looked at him for a long beat, puzzled. Kakashi's eye was half-lidded and his gaze was very steady. Then, realisation hit Iruka so hard that he actually staggered a bit, clutching the strap of his satchel as if it was a life-line.

"Wh—what?" he stammered. Kakashi tilted his head, his entire demeanour now almost innocently curious.

"Aren't we going to have sex now?" he asked. He tensed when Iruka reached out to grab his arm, but did not resist being marched off down the road.

"You can't just say things like that out in public, Kakashi-san!" Iruka hissed. As they sped down the sidewalk, Kakashi glanced down at Iruka's hand. It seemed to be a very unconcerned regard, but Iruka removed his hand hurriedly.

"So you don't want to have sex with me," Kakashi mused, his voice low. "Losing my touch, apparently. Read all the signs wrong."

"No, no!" Iruka halted and turned towards him, staring into his face. "I mean, I would love that. Really. That would be nice." _More than nice_ , his libido leered at him and Iruka squashed it down relentlessly before it got any funny ideas. "But I--"

Kakashi just stood there for a long beat, looking at him. He didn't seem impatient or annoyed; in fact, a curious air emanated from him, as if Iruka was a new kind of weapon that he'd never seen before, and needed to learn its use before an upcoming battle.

"But?" he finally prompted, when Iruka couldn't seem to continue.

"I'd like...more," Iruka heard himself say and it felt as if his face had caught fire. From the way Kakashi's eyebrow jerked upwards and how he took one single step back, there were probably flickers of flame alighting on Iruka's cheeks.

"More? What more is there?" Kakashi wondered and Iruka felt those flames go cold. Kakashi's faintly inquisitive expression hardened. "What is it that you really want from me?"

"Nothing that you don't want to give, Kakashi-san," Iruka murmured. He wasn't quite sure what else he could say.

Kakashi turned on one heel and walked off, hands pushed into his pockets. "Everyone wants something," he said, turning his head so that he spoke over his shoulder. "Especially what I can't give. See you around, sensei." He saluted with a lazy wave of two fingers and walked away. Iruka watched him turn a corner and then trudged back to his own apartment.

He let himself in and made it through the rest of the evening without banging his forehead on the closest flat surface in exasperation and sheer bewilderment. It was, however, a very close thing.

–

Nearly all of the jounin-sensei kept Iruka updated with the progress of his former students and Iruka appreciated that. As soon as they returned from missions, they would pass on little stories about the activities of their teams, speaking to him at the Missions' Desk when they brought in their reports or stopping him in the streets. In the time since... _that night,_ Kakashi spoke to him precisely once: he struck up a short conversation when it was his time at Iruka's post, all abashed smiles and complimentary speech about Naruto. Iruka had blushed because apparently he could do nothing else in Kakashi's presence, but he'd seen the way Kakashi's gaze carefully assessed his reaction to any news of Naruto; how his lackadaisical attitude, while not unkind, seemed to have an overly observant quality.

Iruka tried to push his thoughts about Kakashi to a very dark, unoccupied corner of his mind. He was busy, thankfully; on top of that, Naruto seemed preoccupied about Sasuke. The boy actually came to his apartment one day and sat in the couch, uncharacteristically quiet for a long time.

"What's wrong?" Iruka asked him, handing him a small bowl of broth. Naruto took a sip and didn't even make a face at the lack of ramen. "Naruto?"

"If you had someone you really cared for, and they didn't feel the same way," Naruto said as he stared down into the bowl, picking his way through each word very carefully. "How would you deal with that?"

"Oh." Iruka sat down beside him. "Well. You can't really force yourself to feel the same way that you do, right? So all you can do is care for them the best way you know how."

"Yeah." Naruto nodded and then finished drinking the broth. He got up and went over to Iruka's kitchen sink, washing out the bowl and placing it on the drying rack. He turned to leave and then paused, facing Iruka's front door. His young shoulders seemed to carry an invisible weight almost too heavy to bear. "You know I care for you, right, Iruka-sensei? Like a big brother."

Naruto had darted out into the warm night without waiting for a response, leaving a surprised but pleased Iruka still sitting on the couch. In the weeks that came after, Iruka considered talking to Kakashi-sensei about Sasuke, but then discarded the idea. Kakashi was a perfectly capable jounin-sensei, one of the best shinobi in the Fire Nation. He could take care of anything.

\--

So many things happened in such brutal sequence that Iruka couldn't keep up. The mess of the Chuunin exams; reports of Itachi's presence and Kakashi's near-demise at his hands (that set up an alarmed row of exclamation marks in Iruka's head); the death of Sandaime and the induction of a new one who hadn't even been in the village for quite some time; all of these reduced proud Konoha to a confused and hesitant place. Naruto seemed more and more despondent, but persisted in covering it over with his standard loudness. Iruka tried to keep his company as much as possible even as he dealt with his own clawing sense of loss, feeding him and coaxing him into conversation; then, Sasuke's kidnapping occurred and the whole village seemed to be thrown into turmoil again, albeit less drastic than that of Sandaime's demise. Iruka took on more responsibilities at the Missions' Desk, and so was on-duty when another chuunin ran in with news of a huge situation going on at the Valley of the End, involving Sasuke and Naruto.

"Kakashi-san's gone for 'em," she'd relayed in a voice roughened with exhaustion. "But it looks bad."

It had _felt_ bad. For a few minutes before the chuunin had entered, Iruka had sensed a worrying undercurrent in the air, like smoke from a malevolent fire. He immediately requested permission to leave the Desk and was denied. He remained at his post, but he was distracted: his mind was making its way out of the village through a minor gate on the north-east section of the wall, heading for the Valley of the End.

"They're back," another shinobi reported a few hours later, holding out a scroll to Iruka, who blinked up at their sympathetic expression. "Kakashi-sempai brought in that Naruto kid. He's in the hospital."

Iruka served the rest of his shift with a grim air. The new Hokage, Tsunade-hime was a marvellous healer. She would take care of Naruto; he would trust in her abilities. Nonetheless, as soon as the shift-change occurred Iruka made his way over to the hospital with a speed that surprised himself.

"I would like to see Uzumaki Naruto," he told the nurses on duty, and something in his voice must have spoken to them of his desperation. One of the younger nurses led him to a corridor which he'd never seen before, and told him sit down on a bench bolted to the wall. This particular hallway seemed to be a free-standing structure which connected a wing to the main building, and it had banks of tall windows all along its length, bracketed by thick timber columns. At the other end, a pair of wide green doors stood forbiddingly shut.

"Tsunade-sama and the other medi-nin are still working on him," the nurse said, his tone hushed. "It might yet be a few hours, but you can wait here."

Iruka waited. He meditated and he prayed for Naruto's welfare. The night seemed interminably long and the corridor full of a thick, lonely silence. He bent all his energies towards Naruto and acknowledged Kakashi's presence with a nod of his head when the jounin seemed to appear out of nowhere to slump right beside him.

"Thank you for bringing him home," Iruka said after a few moments of that heavy quiet.

"I was almost too late," Kakashi answered, his voice so soft that it was almost inaudible. Nothing more was said, and over the shadowy treetops outside the windows, stars crept on towards their unknown missions. One of the green doors swept open with quite a bit of force and a small group of healers trudged out, passing the waiting pair with nary a greeting. Tsunade-sama strode in their exhausted wake, pausing briefly as she spotted them rising from the bench before continuing her brisk walk. The confidence in her steps eased a tightness in Iruka's chest and he bowed deeply as she stopped in front of them.

"He'll live," she said in that sharp, short way that was so different from the Sandaime's measured speech. "Even with the Kyuubi's chakra, he'll need about a week to recover. That Uchiha boy damn near killed him."

Iruka pressed his lips tightly together; for all intents and purposes, Sasuke was now a defector, and Iruka felt he had every right to hold him and his actions in contempt. Yet, Sasuke had been his own student, not too long ago. What had he missed? Could he had done something to stop all this?

"Can we go see him?" he asked and kept his attention fixed on Tsunade-sama, even though her brown gaze flickered searchingly from him to Kakashi. "We won't be long, and we won't disturb him."

"You'd damn well not," the Hokage snapped and then stalked away from them. "Third room on the right after you pass that green door there."

Iruka said his thanks even as he hurried towards the green door, pushing through and pausing in front of the room assigned to Naruto. He shouldn't even be so winded right now, but all of a sudden he couldn't draw a full breath. Turning the handle of the door, he stepped into a small room with a single bed near the window; a lamp positioned near the door released a warm circle of yellow light that didn't quite reach the bed itself. Naruto lay on his side on the bed, curled into a ball under the covers. He wore a plain white garment with a pale-green leaf pattern, but Iruka could see layers of bandaging under his chest and around his arms. He looked very small and his mouth was turned down in a tired frown.

The space between the door and the hospital bed was only the distance of a few strides, but it seemed forever to cross; finally, Iruka went down on one knee at the side of the bed and reached out touch Naruto's limp hair.  Then, he rest his hand very lightly on Naruto's cheek; the skin under his palm was smooth and cold.

"It's all right," he whispered, even though Naruto was unconscious. "You just rest and I'll come by every day."

It could have been just a trick caused by the shadows on that young face, but Iruka thought that the frown lessened. He remained there for a quite some time, murmuring odd things and a few endearments. When he thought that he could say no more, he got to his feet and turned to look at Kakashi, who stood leaning back against the wall beside the door with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Do you want to tell him anything?"

Kakashi shook his head. "You've said enough for both of us." His voice was flat and yet terse at the same time. Iruka nodded, and they walked out together. The night was chilly, and Iruka hunched his shoulders against the cold breeze. Now and again, he stole glances at Kakashi's profile, and his chest went tight at what he felt more than saw. Kakashi appeared to be fairly normal, as far as his default bored facial expression went, but Iruka imagined he could pick up thin waves of despondence emanating from him.

When they arrived at an intersection in the housing district mostly populated by shinobi, Iruka paused instead of turning left to head towards his flat. Kakashi stopped as well, giving him a questioning, albeit dull, stare.

"Do you need some company tonight?" Iruka asked and Kakashi just continued to regard him in a disinterested manner. "Just company...nothing else. If you don't--"

"Yes." Kakashi turned on his heel as sharply as part of his reply, and sloped off towards the right without checking if Iruka followed or not. The buildings in this part of the district were set a little closer together than the ones where Iruka lived, and Kakashi lived near the roof. The layout of his apartment was much like Iruka's. The living area was sparse but very neat, with a single couch and a bookshelf against one wall to the left of the entry and a small kitchen on the opposite side. Kakashi headed for the kitchen to put on a kettle.

"Tea," he stated and Iruka wondered if he was offering or indicating a plan of action, like a mission. Iruka simply took a seat and waited, surprised when Kakashi finally brought over a small, delicate cup filled with tea.

"My grandmother's," Kakashi explained, sitting right next to him with a matching cup in hand. Iruka blinked down at it, inexplicably delighted at the thought of Kakashi's relatives. "My mother's mother."

"Do you remember much about her? Your mother, I mean." Iruka took a sip of the hot, fragrant liquid. It was delicious. Kakashi shook his head, and they sat there in a slightly uncomfortable silence. As he drank his tea, Iruka tried to think of something else to say, but his mind was too tired, too fragmented from seeing Naruto lying so still in the hospital.

He had decided upon a fairly innocuous line of conversation ( _how about those messenger-hawks?_ ), but Kakashi spoke up first.

"I didn't want to be a sensei." His speech was low and lumbering; his cup was empty. How had he finished it so quickly? "The Hokage removed me from my regular duties and made me a jounin-sensei."

Iruka nodded, smiling slightly at the memory of Sandaime. "He was very persuasive."

"Oh, he basically ordered me." Kakashi slumped even more, reaching down to set his cup on the floor. "I was not pleased, to say the least. His reasons were valid, but at time time, being a jounin-sensei meant losing whatever edge I had developed in the field."

Looking down at the tea-cup still in his hand, Iruka swallowed; that line of thought was one that plagued him on a regular basis. He was a good teacher, he was sure, but did that make him into a mediocre shinobi? He was still a chuunin, after all. Maybe he would have been ranked higher if he had taken on much more missions by now. His ruminations were interrupted when pale fingers plucked the cup from his loose grip.

"I was wrong," Kakashi said, placing it on the floor, and Iruka thought he was trying to sound very kind. "The job of a sensei is challenging. Children are..."

"They're little shits that worm their way into your heart," Iruka said, and smiled. "Make you care about them, and worry about them--"

Kakashi looked him right in the face. His gaze was withering. " _Not_ what I signed up for."

"Ah, well." Iruka swallowed. "It's...inconvenient, I guess."

Kakashi rolled his eye and then let his head fall onto the back of the sofa. He considered the flat wooden rafters of the ceiling. "What should I have done," he murmured, and his voice seemed to tired to climb up into the interrogative. "Not teach Sasuke those jutsu. Give Naruto and Sakura more training. _What_."

Alarmed at the spiritless quality of his speech, Iruka reached over and gripped him right where the curve of his neck met his shoulder. Kakashi grabbed his wrist and squeezed it tightly, and Iruka stifled a wince at the way the bones in his wrist ground together.

"Your students choose their own path," Iruka told him, navigating his way through the words carefully. "You just have to do your best. That's all."

The bone-crushing grip loosened. Kakashi gazed at him steadily, impassively; the effect was disquieting. Iruka inhaled and on the exhale, he leaned forward. Kakashi did not move as Iruka pressed a short kiss to the part of his mask that covered his mouth. Iruka drew back a little, looking right into his exposed eye. Kakashi still sat there, unmoving and Iruka felt waves of embarrassment begin to wash over him. He tried to pull back but Kakashi held firm.

He reached up and hooked a finger under his mask, dragging the material down to underneath his chin. Iruka stared at his face, fascinated by the narrow planes of his jaw.

"Your version of 'company' is an interesting one," Kakashi remarked and for a moment Iruka could hardly parse his words: he was caught up in the movement of Kakashi's finely made lips. Then, what he said beat its way into Iruka's head and he flailed a little, internally.

"I didn't--"

Kakashi's other hand was at the back of his neck in an instant, pulling Iruka so close. "You can continue," he said, lips brushing Iruka's.

Iruka shivered at the sensation of Kakashi's breath falling against his mouth. He pressed in again, mouth moving roughly against the other man's, parting his lips to invite Kakashi's tongue in. He stroked Kakashi's cheek, revelling in the sensation of stubble under his fingers and how Kakashi's lips felt against his. When he finally managed to pull away, he was breathing hard, as was Kakashi.

Kakashi licked his lips, and a very contemplative expression stole over his face. "That was nice," he said and Iruka let out a disbelieving huff of a laugh.

"Nice," Iruka echoed, and kissed him again.

 

\--

"Hello, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi said easily, standing in front of of Iruka's post at the Missions' Desk, holding out his report. Iruka collected it with nary a blush and put it in his file.

"Welcome home, Kakashi-san." Iruka gave him the same welcoming smile he gave everyone when they returned to Konoha. Since they'd kissed that first time a week ago, Kakashi had obviously made a point to interact with him as often as possible: in the Missions' Room, on the street, even during meetings with the Hokage. People had begun to talk, of course; other jounin now looked at him closely and struck up exceedingly probing and awkward conversations.

A memorable exchange was with Guy-sensei, who challenged Iruka to a round of janken.

"Now?" Iruka asked, looking around himself. He had two full bags of groceries in his arms. Guy beamed at him and Iruka squinted against the light glinting off his teeth.

"Now is as good a time as any," Guy said and Iruka looked at him closely for a beat. Behind his broad smile, there was a hint of intensity that seemed to rival Kakashi's. Iruka had blinked and then put down his groceries on a nearby wall.

"All right," he said, holding out a fist. He played ten rounds, and won five.

"Most excellent," Guy said in an uncharacteristically low tone, and then challenged him to a sparring match next Wednesday.  

Other chuunin seemed either awed or sceptical. Most genin, thank goodness, were indifferent.

Then, after another week and another kiss (this time in Iruka's flat) Iruka wondered, "Are we... _dating_?"

"Are we?" Kakashi asked, casually, lying on his side on the floor beside Iruka. His torso was bare, as was his face, except for his forehead-protector. Iruka stroked his arm and then rest a palm flat on his toned stomach, thrilled. "I've never been with anyone like this before."

"Like this?" Iruka let his hand trailed down further, tracing skin just above the waist of his trousers. Kakashi glanced down at his hand and did a little wriggle with his hips, trying to coax Iruka's hand further down. Iruka obliged him and smiled at the hardness under his palm.

"This is the easy part," Iruka said, pressing harder.

Kakashi smirked at him. "Are you calling me easy, sensei?"

Iruka bit his lip and slipped his hand own Kakashi's trousers. Kakashi's eyelid fluttered for a moment but his gaze remained locked as Iruka's fingers stroked his hardness. Listening to his hitched breath made Iruka just as aroused. He yanked at the fastenings and got a better grip, licking his hand once and tasting Kakashi before he went for it again.

Kakashi touched his hair, gripping it and moaning softly as he came.

He went down on Iruka right after, right there on the floor and Iruka ceased to have coherent thought for quite some time as Kakashi's tongue slid up and down his turgid cock, and his lips sucked wantonly on the flared head.

"You like that?" Kakashi said, sitting back on his heels after Iruka bucked and moaned under him; he seemed pleased with himself, and his pale hair flopped down over his eyes.

"Love it," Iruka murmured and nearly said _I love you_ , but he didn't.

–

### Part 2: Questions

Iruka wondered when Kakashi would be aware of the intensity and depth of his feelings; Kakashi was brilliant, everyone knew that, but this was probably something that wasn't too important to him. Iruka wouldn't know; he didn't know a _lot_ of things, and he felt as if he swung on a pendulum between not caring about that fact and caring too much.

Surely Kakashi noticed the way Iruka _looked_ at him, as if he couldn't get his fill of how Kakashi's hair maintained at impossible angle with the forehead protector; or how Iruka stroked the side of his hand when they were alone together, enjoying that border between his gloves and skin. He could hardly miss how Iruka listened to him speak, absorbing his odd quirks and challenging him on some questionable opinions.

Iruka thought he should have felt more desperate at this point, but he didn't. He only experienced an oddly wide streak of pragmatism: he loved Kakashi, and it was okay if Kakashi didn't feel the same way.

...at least, that pragmatism was really only applicable in theory. He wasn't prepared at all for the night Kakashi turned to him as they sat atop the Hokage Monument and said, "Iruka, tell me something."

"Something," Iruka answered, a cheeky grin blooming on his lips. He was stretched out on his back, one knee drawn up, the ankle of the other foot resting on it. It had been a long day; he'd just come back from a mission, and he was tired to the point where he wasn't even sleepy, just feeling slow and half-useless. Kakashi was currently on forced down-time, which had involved very detailed threats from Tsunade-sama. He had only been released to Iruka's care after some extended pleas, and they'd decided to make a leisurely trek to the monument.

Kakashi turned his head and looked right into Iruka's eyes. "Are you in love with me?"

It wasn't a question that promised any form of reciprocation at all, and yet there was no sense of mockery or maliciousness; Kakashi's tone was of someone trying to collect as much information as possible for a task. Iruka felt his whole body still, as if it was being held in one state of being by the weight of Kakashi's attention.

He swallowed and said, "Yes," and he felt as if his heart was growing too big for his chest, filling up his body; it hurt, to feel it swell like that. Kakashi kept staring at him and Iruka sat up and crossed his legs. Underneath him, the rock was warm.

"I've suspected as much," Kakashi said, almost contemplatively. Iruka looked away from the calmness of his face, staring at the village spreading away from them, a collection of light and lives. It was rather late, close to midnight, but Iruka could see people moving up and down the streets, particularly in that market district which closed up at about three in the morning and opened again just after four the following afternoon. He wasn't quite sure what he should be feeling at this point in time. He didn't want to think about it.

Kakashi asked, "What do you want me to do about it?"

Iruka turned back to face him, so surprised at the question that he moved in one quick snap of his shoulders and neck. Kakashi had been sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees. At Iruka's abrupt movements, he leaned away a little and raised his eyebrow.

"You don't have to do anything," Iruka said before he could think about what he meant. "It's not something that's going to be a problem."  

"Is being in love with someone a problem?" Kakashi wondered, stressing the last word ever so slightly. He hunched his shoulders and his entire air seemed overly rigid. "Is being loved by someone a problem?"

Iruka shrugged. "I don't know." He sighed and bent his head a little, thinking. "Sometimes it is."

"I expect that it won't compromise how we carry out our duties," Kakashi said and in that moment he sounded so cool and stern that Iruka had to laugh a little. To his own hearing, his laughter was small and mirthless.

"It won't," he said, very firmly, but he wondered to himself how much of that promise was pure truth or a blatant lie. The rest of the night was spent in a pensive state, at least on his part. Kakashi stared out into the night, chin resting atop his knees. His body was a dark smudge in the deep of the shadows atop the Nidaime's head.

 _How does one stop loving_ , Iruka asked himself over and over again when he went back to his apartment, alone. _You can't,_ was his conclusion when the dawn began to shade a pale grey at the horizon. He half-hoped that Kakashi's knowledge of his feelings would be methodically categorized and placed to one side of that formidable mind, a detail to be considered every now and again.

He really didn't expect Kakashi to get _philosophical_ about it.

–

Naruto slurped up the last of his ramen and grinned up at Iruka, putting down his utensils with a quick clatter.

"That was great!" he said, patting his stomach. Iruka rolled his eyes, deeply amused. Naruto always seemed to eat as if he'd just come back from a year-long expedition, leaving stacks of empty bowls in his wake. Iruka reached for his wallet and paused in surprise when Naruto reached out one hand, resting it lightly on Iruka's closest arm.

"I'll pay," he said, an uncertain smile on his face. "I mean...I'm going off to train with the Pervy-sensei soon, so this is like my going-away gift!"

"I should give _you_ a gift," Iruka told him, hoping his expression wasn't too forlorn. He forced himself to brighten. "Oh, wait! I actually have one." He reached into his satchel and pulled out a small frog-purse, handing it to Naruto. "That's for you. Don't lose it."

Naruto took the purse with great care. "Thank you," he said and retrieved his old battered purse, withdrawing all the money and placing most of it in his new one. The rest, he left on the counter for Ayame to collect for their meal.

As they walked out, Iruka reached out and ruffled Naruto's bright hair. "You'll do great," he said. "Jiraiya-sama is...brilliant," he said with a wry grin. Jiraiya-sama might be one of the Legendary Sannin, but he was truly as perverted as Naruto insisted. Jiraiya had shown a very deep interest in Iruka for some reason, taking every opportunity to bemoan the fact that Iruka couldn't do the Harem Transformation like Naruto.

Iruka _could_ , quite easily; he'd learned it after he'd seen Naruto do it, but he wasn't about to let Jiraiya-sama know that.

"Take care of everyone for me," Naruto said, looking everywhere but in Iruka's face. "Make sure Sakura-chan doesn't beat up too many people. And Kaka-sensei...he needs somebody to make sure that he doesn't get even crazier. Okay?"

Iruka stared at the side of his face. "Naruto—"

Naruto suddenly seized him around the waist, squeezing so tightly that Iruka couldn't draw a full breath. "Don't worry about me," he muttered, his face warm even through the layers of Iruka's flak-jacket and his long-sleeved shirt. "You taught me lots of important things, Iruka-niichan. I won't forget them."

"Oh." Iruka swallowed against the lump in his throat. He hugged Naruto, almost reluctant to let him go. Finally, he made himself hold Naruto away by his shoulders, smiling down at him. "Go on. I'm sure Jiraiya-sama's waiting."

"He isn't." Naruto pulled a face. "I have to go find him in some bathhouse somewhere, and then we'll be gone. Take care." With that, he slipped down a side road, disappearing out of Iruka's sight in just a few beats. Iruka felt as if Naruto was moving away from him at the same sort of speed that Guy-sensei displayed when doing his daily rounds. Iruka took a deep breath, turned around and walked right into Kakashi.

"Oof!" He grabbed onto Kakashi's arms to steady himself and then let him go as if he'd been scalded. "Kakashi-san! Oh, you just missed Naruto."

"I didn't," Kakashi said, in typical cryptic fashion and then glanced at Iruka out of the corner of his eye. "You're holding up well, Iruka-sensei."

"I'm sure I'll cry into my pillow later," Iruka said, very drily and then smiled when Kakashi released what sounded like a huff of incredulous laughter. He continued his trek towards the Missions Desk, slightly taken aback when Kakashi fell in step with him.

"I'd like to talk to you later," Kakashi informed him and Iruka let out what he hoped was an inaudible sigh; he'd underestimated the quality of Kakashi's auditory abilities, from the quick glance he received. "If you're not too busy."

Iruka swallowed and then tried to lift his shoulders in a quick shrug. "I won't be too busy."

"Good. I'll meet you at the Iron Boar, then." He raised his eyebrow at Iruka's surprised glance. "Do you not meet with Hagane and Kamizuki at least three times a week there?"

"At least," Iruka said, a little numbly, because Kakashi sounded very well acquainted with his schedule. "Sometimes every day. Depending on how crazy I feel after teaching or the Missions Desk. I'd go every hour, if I could." He let out a slightly hysterical laugh and Kakashi just stared at him.

"I see," Kakashi murmured; his eye tracked across Iruka's face for a few moments and then he simply walked away, stride loose-limbed, his book held loosely between the long fingers of his left hand. Iruka watched him go, gazing at the way Kakashi's hair stuck out under the knot of his forehead-protector. He squared his shoulders and headed off to work.

"Kakashi-san might join us," he told Izumo and Kotetsu as he sat at their corner-table at the Iron Boar a few hours later. They blinked rapidly at him as he clutched at the bottle he'd snagged at the bar, as if it was a costly relic and not just a receptacle for the alcoholic beverage he'd ordered. "Act normal."

"Hey, don't underestimate us," Izumo snapped at him, once he'd recovered enough equanimity to respond with a satisfactory level of snark. "What do you take us for, the little kids in his fan-club?"

Kotetsu took a long sip of his own drink, before muttering something about Izumo's autograph book. Izumo scowled in his direction, and Kotetsu giggled soddenly.

" _Thought_ I'd heard about you and him," Kotetsu said to Iruka when he'd finished his weird laughter; he spoke very crispy and slowly, eyes wide. "Interesting."

"Is it?" A low voice muttered from behind Iruka, who felt the hairs on his arms lift in a mixture of helpless arousal and alarm. "How so?"

No-one answered as Kakashi slipped into the chair beside Iruka. Kotetsu and Izumo, the bastards, gave Kakashi identical saccharine smiles, as if they had a very long list of secrets they were quite willing to share for a price. Knowing them, Iruka mused, this was quite likely the case.

"Hello." Kakashi rubbed the back of his head, smiling back at them a little bashfully. Iruka considered this specific expression of his, mulling over it as he continued with his drink. After some brief mental computations, he arrived at a reasonable conclusion: this, of course, was Kakashi's Public Face. This was the mask he wore in front of civilians and most other shinobi of a lower rank. Iruka had a very vague idea as to why he did it, but what was more interesting to him at the moment was this: this particular smile wasn't anything like the ones he gave to Iruka. _Those_ were either fleeting and slightly bitter; or sensuous in a rather sly way.

Kakashi's current smile was disarming; even from where he sat, Iruka could feel Izumo and Kotetsu's natural wariness begin to melt in the face of an awkward-seeming elite jounin, and they quickly engaged him in cordial conversation. It was a frighteningly good tactic, because while they were both obviously aware of the mechanics behind the ploy, they were quite willing to be caught up in it. Iruka thought a bit more; yes, it was an approach that worked on nearly everyone Kakashi came in contact with on a casual basis.

The fact that Kakashi was so physically appealing, even with his mask, was a factor as well. "Well, luckily you're so attractive," Iruka grumbled to no one in particular; he felt his skin go warm when they all stopped talking and focused on him.

"What was that, Iruka?" Kotetsu asked with one of his extremely wide grins. "Saying something?"

Izumo seemed on the brink of very raucous laughter, until Iruka said, "You know, I think Shizune-san had moved up your shifts for the Hokage Tower to _right now._ " He smiled evilly as the colour leached out of both their faces. "In fact, I'm fairly sure of it. You should be on duty in the next...hmm...fifteen minutes or so."

Kotetsu breathed out, in the voice of one doomed to a horrible fate, "She _wouldn't_. And you tell us this _now_? You're horrible, Iruka."

"Of course he's horrible!" Izumo cried and gulped down the remainder of his drink, making a ghastly face. "Come on!" He grabbed onto Kotetsu's collar and hauled him out of the bar, leaving a stunned atmosphere in their wake. After a few beats, the other patrons settled back to their conversation and drinking.

"They knew," Iruka said as Kakashi's questioning gaze meandered back to lock on his face. "They were just hoping Shizune-san wouldn't schedule them so early."

"Ah." Kakashi tilted his head and slouched in the chair. Iruka didn't look at him; he kept his own head angled so that he gazed on the dark bottle atop the rectangular table, using the pads of his fingers to wipe away the beads of condensation now and again.

"You wanted to talk," Iruka pointed out and concentrated on not holding his breath. Kakashi hummed.

"Do you ever fall out of love with someone?"

That got Iruka's full attention. His head snapped up; his eyebrows pulled up so far that he feared that they might become one with his hairline.

"You, as in me in particular?" Iruka squinted at him. "Or do you mean...you know, _generally_ -you?"

" _You_ ," Kakashi confirmed, and his voice was very soft and very careful. "You, as in Iruka-sensei."

"Oh." Iruka took a deep breath. The Iron Boar wasn't too full, and the tables right next to their current position weren't occupied. He didn't feel ashamed of how he felt about Kakashi, but he didn't want it to be fodder for village gossip. "Well. For me..." he trailed off, feeling a little helpless. He glanced down at his own hands, clasped atop the darkly worn surface of the table. Time seemed to creep by in an apprehensive fashion, and he glanced at Kakashi's gloved fingers, also curled loosely atop the table. Kakashi's fingers seemed even more pale than usual against the wine-like stain of the wood.

Kakashi spoke up again: "Would you prefer somewhere more private?"

"Yes, I would." Iruka tried not to sound too pathetic at the moment, but the words rushed out of him in one breath and Kakashi seemed taken aback for a moment, before nodding and rising up out of the chair. Iruka paid the tab while Kakashi waited for him, and they walked outside together. They walked side-by-side for a few silent minutes, along a road which was mostly closed businesses: nearly all the lights were extinguished, apart from a few on the upper floors, where some people lived right above their shops. Iruka glanced up at the stars, cold and beautiful and distant.

 _Like Kakashi,_ Iruka thought.

"Why do you love me?" Kakashi asked and Iruka swallowed; he should have recalled that Kakashi was a very direct man. He was half-tempted to say something flippant, like _just because,_ but he suspected that as airy as Kakashi's tone had seemed, it was a matter for serious consideration.

"I have a lot of reasons," he said, hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched. His satchel hung at his back, for he hadn't returned home as yet. Kakashi remained quiet after this declaration, but the silence was highly expectant. "You're so beautiful to me."

"But you can't see my face, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi remarked, and Iruka glanced at him; Kakashi kept his head facing straight, but there might have been a very small smile underneath his mask.

"I don't need to," Iruka said and Kakashi's head snapped around; he stared at Iruka as if he'd said something deeply offensive. "I've always thought so highly of you, and you've never proved me wrong. And...I suppose that all those years of admiring you turned into something else."

Kakashi said, "Oh," but it came out more as a slow exhalation than a word.

Iruka forged on ahead, keeping one foot in front of the other, placing one word in front of the other: "You asked me if I would ever fall out of love with someone. I don't know. But I think it would be hard to fall out of how I feel about you."

He had gone for quite a few steps before he realised that Kakashi was not walking beside him. Stunned, he turned on his heel, gazing all around, but there was absolutely no sign of the other man: he had disappeared like smoke on a windy day; Iruka nodded to himself, pushing down on the mingled surprise and hurt which threatened to crack his ribs, heading towards his home district. Every step was like a failed mission.

–

"I'd like to ask you some more questions, if you don't mind," Kakashi muttered thickly from that place in Iruka's apartment where the living area adjoined to the kitchen. He was apparently quite newly returned from his three-week assignment, for his sleeves were ripped, flak-jacket blood-streaked, and his mask seemed very dusty. Kakashi had undertaken this duty the day after he'd abandoned Iruka on the road.

'Abandoned' was probably too strong a word, but Iruka wasn't in a very charitable mood at the moment; he'd just completed a mission himself; it had been a five-day escort job with a reticent but fairly cordial jounin named Doami as the team-captain, and it had been tiresome from the very start. The clients had insisted on directing their convoy through a rocky cleft between two glowering mountains, despite Doami's constant warnings. There'd been bandits, no surprise considering the obvious wealth of their charges. The Konoha team had dealt with them swiftly enough, but it all had been so _unnecessary_.

Iruka shrugged at Kakashi now, a bare movement of his shoulders. "After I take a bath." He stared blearily at the area around Kakashi's feet. "Are you bleeding on my floor?"

"...possibly," Kakashi allowed after a few ponderous seconds and contemplative blinking. "It's not as bad as it looks."

"I'll set some water for you when I'm finished," Iruka told him as he staggered in the general direction of his bedroom, faint with exhaustion. "Just...I'll be done soon."

Iruka soaked in the water for much longer than he planned, dozing off briefly before he recalled that Kakashi was still out in his living room, waiting. He bolted upright and dressed hurriedly in a loose robe, clearing out the bath and filling it again with warm water. Hurrying back out to the living room, he felt his eyes widen to see Kakashi standing in more or less the same spot, staring blankly at the opposite wall.

"Come this way," Iruka said quietly, stepping close. He received a slow, sliding gaze as a response; reaching out, he touched Kakashi's fingers. He was surprised at how warm they were. "Follow me. The bath is ready."

He managed to get Kakashi moving, and made sure that he could take care of himself without acquiring a concussion. A quick search while Kakashi soaked produced another of his robes, a nice dark one he'd received from a great-aunt a few years ago. He knocked on the bathroom door and peered in; like him, Kakashi had fallen into a light sleep, head resting against the rim of the bath-tub. He had a very small white towel over his face.

"Kakashi," he called and let out a little tired laugh at the way Kakashi sat straight up, hair lying flat on one side. "You can put this on when you're finished."

He was finishing up with checking his own minor injuries, tying off one final bandage when Kakashi wandered back into the living room with the air of someone who was walking on newly discovered lands; his face was exposed and Iruka glanced around, making sure that the curtains were pulled shut. Then, he waved him over to sit beside him on the couch. Iruka took his closest arm, frowning at the long thin scratches etched into his skin.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said as Iruka did his best to dress the wounds. "About leaving like that a few weeks ago. I couldn't handle how I felt about what you said."

Iruka nodded, bending close to Kakashi's arm so he could see if there was any foreign matter remaining in the lacerations. "It's fine."

"I don't think it is," Kakashi said, and when Iruka straightened up, Kakashi considered him narrowly. "You're.... _comfortable_ with emotions."

A tiny flare of temper ignited in Iruka and he delivered his most potent glare. "Emotions are my bloodline-limit, I suppose," he snapped. "I even use them on missions."

An odd sound escaped from Kakashi. His face contorted, eyes squinted almost shut. Iruka watched him with not a little concern, until he realised that Kakashi was _laughing_.

"I asked myself a lot of questions when I was on that mission," Kakashi said when he managed to reign in his mirth. "Like,  why is _your_ love different from, say, the kind of love Guy has for me?"

Iruka bit his lip, unsure how to feel about Kakashi's musings. "So...you know that Guy-sensei loves you."

"I understand that he cares for me." Kakashi's gaze was riveted on his. "He's my friend. I care for him, too."

"That's good." Iruka felt a smile bloom on his face; he let his fingers stroke lightly on Kakashi's bandages, just because he could. "I'm happy you have someone like Guy-sensei."

Kakashi's expression became even more consuming, but Iruka could not look away. "I know what love is. It is nice to be loved. 'm just not sure about romantic love....loving one person to the exclusion of everyone else."

 _That's fine,_ Iruka told himself and said so, but Kakashi didn't seem to hear him. He appeared to be in a kind of meditative state, murmuring softly and quickly, like he was assessing options for a counterstrike.

"I'm physically and emotionally attracted to you, but is that love?" he asked, but he seemed to be really posing the question to himself. "Do I...feel this way just because you're the first person to confess how you feel about me? What--"

Before Iruka could stop himself, he had reached out and placed one palm over Kakashi's mouth. He felt hot and cold all at once, excited and tired and afraid and hopeful. It was so much to feel, and not enough; everything he had in him threatened to spill out, and sacrifice itself for Kakashi's sake. Kakashi's breath fell quickly over the side of his palm. Slowly, Iruka removed his hand and watched the subtle movements of Kakashi's face. That singular gaze tracked back and forth, searching for something between Iruka's lips, his forehead, his nose, before halting at his eyes...and then it stopped. His expression shifted from one of mounting concern to a serenity so deep that it was nearly unsettling.

"Look, you don't--" Iruka began, but Kakashi leaned forward and kissed him. This was a far cry from the torrid kisses they'd already shared, desire rising like hot air under their skin; it was a slow touch of lips, and it was comforting.

"You don't have to answer," Kakashi said when he pulled back just a little. "I had it all wrong. I don't have to go about it the way you do."

"What does that mean," Iruka murmured, swaying forward for another kiss. Kakashi obliged him, and Iruka was drunk on the light contact. His lips felt as if they were tingling.

"It's all right now," Kakashi told him, and he was smiling against Iruka's mouth. "I just figured it out."

fin

* * *

_The hardest-learned lesson: that people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind._  
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

**Author's Note:**

> ##### Request from [Alpha_B@LJ](http://alpha-b.livejournal.com/profile)
> 
>   
>  My favorite thing about the The Bijozakura Seal, is Kakashi's conflicted nature. I love your characterization of him in that you let him behave as removed and cold as a lifelong assassin might be. But how long can that last in the face of someone so open, giving, and dedicated as Iruka? I would love a story with these same "themes"(?), but an entirely different story line. I'm not sure if I phrased the request right but basically I'd like a story where Kakashi and Iruka have similar attitudes towards each other as in Bijozakura, but an entirely different plot, and hopefully a happy ending : D


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